Pesach

Passover felt like a cross between a Cohn brother’s film and a National Lampoon movie. First of all, I was late. Really late. Some sort of traffic jam from hell, a good hour or two after rush hour. I get lost in Wayne, Michigan for a few blocks before realizing the right way to wind in the direction of my mother's house.

When I arrive it's a good 45 minutes after dinner was supposed to start and the table setting is gorgeous. We sit and immediately begin the Seder. Mother has never led a Seder before. Donna and I try to help her when we can, but often she's too engrossed in the Maxwell House booklet to hear us. The wine tastes like grape juice and is only a tad better than Manishevitz. Maybe. Mom is lauded with accolades for her light and tasty matzo balls.


Chuck, our table Catholic, gets stuck reading the passage about all the Rabbis. Poor guy. I have to read The Questions, as I am the youngest there. Diana gets stuck reading the Simple Son passage. Grandpa is smacking his lips pretty much constantly throughout the service and needs much prompting to find his place in the book. *Smack* *smack* the plagues *smack* *smack* Egypt, etc. I actually picked up on a passage I had never noticed before about how God gave us chest hair. I hold in giggles for most of the Seder - it's hard to control myself. I'm delirious with hunger and there's chopped liver and gefilte fish sitting in front of me, looking better than anything I've ever eaten in my entire life.

After dinner and returning Grandpa to his apartments, the two youngest, Diana, 58, and myself, 30, seek out the Afikomen that my mother had hidden for a $2 prize.


After everyone leaves mom and Chuck whip out the fart machine and start showing me its fabulous variety of farts and laugh like little children. We discuss the possible pros and cons of bringing it to graduation.

With 5 gentiles, 4 Jews, lip smacking, and other delights, the night was memorable, surely.

(For those of you curious about the meaning of things like afikomen, gefilte fish, and Manishevitz definitions and explanations are all available at dictionary.com)